Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
