There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
