I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
