I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
