so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
