i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
