I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
