So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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