Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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