You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
