my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
