She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
