we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
