If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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