i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
