She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
