A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
