so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
