I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
