i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
