At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
