is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I will die if light touches me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
