i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
