I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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