why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
