At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
