Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
