I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
