just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
