Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
