we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
