He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
