Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
