Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
