I hate your face
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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