Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
