new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
