I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
