FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
