I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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