This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
