I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
