all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
