I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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