i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
