so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
