You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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