i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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