I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
