The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The air was thick with penises
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Couch. On fire.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
